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Written by Doug!!
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Wherein Pi = a tin of tasty whipped cream. R = Rick the Clydesdale. 2 = the arc from my hand to Rick the Clydesdale's face. This is the formula used to calculate the circumference of 2 laps around the boulder Res. The solution turns out to be somewhere between 5:40 and 6:10 depending on how many places Pi is calculated out to.
Questions? Ok. We'll go back to the basics of geometry since ! really like curves. 5430 ½ 2007. Upon completion ! find Rick the Clydesdale lounging in the grass. “Well yeah, of course I beat you” Turns out ! beat him by 8 minutes that day. He had started a few waves ahead of me. He decided right then he would beat me by 2 minutes or more in 2008. !, of course, said HA!! No way ! could suffer 3 straight years of injuries that would ruin my training. ! would be ready and ! would be looking for a PR. Current PR for the distance is 5:40 @ Harvest Moon. If Rick the Clydesdale was going for 5:30 ! would shoot for 5:15. ! was hoping for the best for him since ! feared a long wait would diminish the quantity of tasty whipped cream by the time he got done.
The day has arrived. Not really. It's only 3:30 am and the alarm is bleating. It won't be today for another 3-4 hours. Up, feed, get dressed and drive to boulder. ! unloaded the car by the light of headlights in a packed dirt lot. !'ve had a lot of coffee. First item of business is body marking (the reason ! race) and setting up transition. Not as important for 5430 since we have to set up in pre-designated areas. ! found a spot and dropped my gear then off to queue for the loo. Chip on and it's time to get the wetsuit and other gear to the team base. Part of the other gear was a baked pie crust and a can of whipped cream. Rick the Clydesdale had 3 cans on ice.
! was in wave 9. Rick the Clydesdale was in wave 8. Five minutes ahead of me. ! would hunt him down and pass him just before the end of the first bike lap. Then open the gap on lap two. ! would leave T2 with a 10 minute lead. He would have to outrun me by 1 minute/mile all the way around to win the bet. Rick the Clydesdale has gotten to be a pretty good runner. He would probably catch up to me out there. If he did ! could just stick to his heels and remind him that, even though ! was running in his shade, ! was 5 minutes ahead of him. That was the plan and plans always work out.
Dave Towle was the announcer. Dave knows me from 'cross where he announces nearly every race. Me vs. Rick the Clydesdale would remind him of Godzilla vs. Mothra. There would be a “hurricane of pain” out on the course as we both “went to the well again and again” Dave would make it fun for the fans. ! Told him all about the bet.
Rick the Clydesdale had already started when wave 9 was sent off. ! estimated he was about 1 buoy ahead of me and wouldn't really make much time on the swim. Less than 30 seconds. As always the first leg was straight into the sun so ! just followed the mob. After the first turn ! could see the buoys and sight on my own. Out there guys were spread out so no one to draft most of the time. ! could see schools of lime caps off to the side kind of off course. ! was going pretty straight. Every time ! sighted ! was still in line unless someone wandered into my path and ! had to adjust. Those other guys were too far off to make it worthwhile to intercept them to draft. A decent time on the swim.
In T1 my wetsuit came right off. Stupendous. ! found my shoes and helmet. The socks went on pretty well and ! jogged to the mount line.
The bike really starts on 51st St. and that's a climb. The road out of the park was way too crowded and ! wasn't quite going yet. The first grade was an oompher. ! had very little oomph. Then out onto the main road which looks flat, but still goes up for a few miles. All of you who have done a 5430 race know exactly how it is. ! was just about to mile 3 when really fast guys with single-digit numbers went by. Still rising and ! hadn't passed anyone yet. Out to 9.6 miles and Jordan Jones slowed down to look at my butt. He had to. My butt was barely moving. Then off he went. ! never can tell if he can hear me when ! tell him to go fast and kill. Aid station #1 is the boulder Tri Club station. ! didn't see Spider Man. Just a bunch of pirates. ! picked one with Gatorade who turned out to be Tim dressed as a scurvy dog. Arrrgh
Soon after Justin told me Rick the Clydesdale was about 3 minutes ahead. After accounting for his moving against race direction, ! figured that meant 4 minutes. ! had made up 1 minute of his head start plus the minute from the swim. I didn't have real splits so ! was guessing. ! jumped. Just a bit more climbing then onto St. Vrain to haul ass. Somewhere along St. Vrain was a turnoff to a turnaround. About 1.2 miles. That would be 3 minutes or so. ! would get to see Rick the Clydesdale and let him know it. The crushing defeat was on schedule. As ! reached my highest speed so far (about 35 mph) on St. Vrain ! heard a rattle. It was coming from the front of the bike. ! stopped near the bottom of the steep descent. All that momentum converted to warm brake pads. It was a flacid rear dérailleur cable rattling against the down tube. False alarm. ! restarted and got up to speed as fast as ! could. Now ! was passing people. ! had lost a little time.
Rick the Clydesdale would be turning back onto St. Vrain by the time ! got there. ! may even have given him time to get out of sight. !'d be scanning hard for him. Aid station #2 was part way back from the turnaround. No issues with the turnaround. ! did have to attack a bit to get into it ahead of the slow guy. That would have cost a few seconds. No gifts for Rick the Clydesdale. There was a cute chick with Gatorade at the start of the aid station. ! grabbed her bottle and she called me by name. It was Krista. Two aid stations so far fed by my fans. No Rick the Clydesdale. He must be just a little ahead. ! can still hunt him down.
Prior to the next turn a motor marshal passed. A 90* right with cones narrowing it to one lane. Two non-racing bikes came up and stopped outside the cones. The marshal was hard on the brakes into the corner. He should have pulled off the course. There was no reason ! should have had to brake for that corner. This is about where ! passed Jeff Carroll one year. More road ahead. This is where my favorite aid station was. Bikini-clad gals. ! pointedly ignored the bikini-clad guys. One day !'ll stop. Onto the Diagonal Hwy. ! still don't see Rick the Clydesdale. Some false alarms. Closing in on the end of lap 1. There's Orlinda. She's moving ok.
Lap two was just like lap one, but no pros and ! peed twice. ! managed to hit 45 mph on St. Vrain ignoring the rattle. ! didn't ignore the bikini girls at aid station #3. Back on 36 the quads were getting a little tight. The rollers were coming. ! hammered the climbs. An extra 1 mph on a climb saves more time that an extra 1 mph on a descent. The last section of 51st St. is a good downhill then into the park. No problems. Just watch for the speed bumps. ! looked at the guy ahead of me. He undid his shoe straps. ! had forgotten. Unstrap, slip the feet out and let the shoe swing. The heel swings forward then back. When it gets back, step on the top of the shoe and do the other one.
In my socks ! did a 'cross dismount right at the line. ! was scared. Every other bike/run transition this year except Barkin' Dog resulted in excruciating heel pain. ! didn't know if ! would be able to step off without falling down. This is the longest ride since E-Rock. It wasn't bad. Second best of the year. ! had considered popping into the outhouse on the way to the bike rack since it was on the way, but decided ! didn't really need to. By the time the running shoes, etc. were on ! did need to pee yet again. A pee and some of the hand sanitizer on the crotch to prevent any nasty chafing issues. Just so you know ! still kicked Rick the Clydesdale's butt on both transitions.
The quads were cramping bad. Right on the verge of locking up. Never walk when people can see you and people could see me including the truly unhelpful Yon. Yon thought it would be fun to tell me Rick the Clydesdale was 30 minutes ahead. ! didn't believe him. ! made it to the dirt road and had to walk. This was not going to be fun. Just over a mile in is the biggest climb. Then ½ a mile to the first aid station. ! took a moment to stretch. They felt a bit better. Off ! went. The overcast was enough that my hat was more of a liability than useful. Off it came. ! was jogging a bit now. Walking some. Charley rode by. He said Rick the Clydesdale was only 15 minutes ahead. ! kept moving. My prospects were fading (for catching Rick the Clydesdale, not a girlfriend). ! had to keep moving and try to make some luck. Rick the Clydesdale could blow up. If something happened ! needed to be there to benefit from it. The cramps had eased by now. ! had gotten some soda pop down. The heel was not such an issue. The big problem was the other foot going numb. And a little gastric distress was coming on. The soda pop wasn't totally flat. ! was looking for an outhouse. None to be found. It was still cool out. Certain Death Canal wasn't as tempting as it was last year. There was an outhouse at the far end of the canal. Just before ! picked up a pacer.
Eric was moving steadily. After a bad swim where he lost the 15 minutes he had started ahead of me. We came out almost together. Now he was making up the time ! took away from him on the bike. He told me to just keep moving. ! did. Past the next aid station he got a gap and moved on. ! was unable to keep with him. The last aid station on the run is womaned by a bunch of Colorado's Wild Women. My foot was swollen. The dirt path looked pretty smooth so ! took off my shoes to let the grit massage my sole as ! ran. It was not good terrain to run barefoot on so ! walked. The numbness subsided. Lap 1 finishes by going past the expo/spectator area then around the outside of the finish chute. ! tossed my hat on the grass and started lap two. Yon was there yelling. No one knew the gap. ! felt much better except my foot was numb again. Off came the shoes and a short walk did the trick. ! was back to running. For a while. By this point ! was not running at a pace to tax even my meager fitness. ! could think. What ! thought of was the cause of foot numbness or hot spots. It's not heat, it's pressure and constricted nerves. Well then, !'d just loosen my laces. Enough walking to get blood flowing again and the now loosened shoe was back on. That was the magic trick.
! was running again, slowly. Still wanted an outhouse. All along Certain Death Canal ! tried to push the pace but a couple steps in ! had to back off. ! feared someone would beat me to it and take forever so ! kept pushing. There were lot's of people behind me. man do ! Feel better. ! ran along to the next aid station and ran through it. Downhill then a little climb. ! was getting winded so ! chose a weed part way up the hill to run to. Then recover walking up the rest. On the dam ! got back to it. Fitness was the limiter now. That's good. In an ideal race fitness would be the only thing keeping me from going any faster and ideally ! would be much more fit. ! pushed until ! had to walk. Still ! was running faster and farther. ! walked the CWW aid station and got back to it.
Just over 2 miles (european) to the finish. Now it was hot. It got hot right after ! tossed my hat. Len didn't run by. He was probably just waking up. ! still had to walk occasionally. Almost to the pavement Krista was hanging out on the side. She paced me some until ! had to walk. She told me to flash Brad and whoever was with him by the tree. It's all downhill now. Someone who ! hope was Brad called my name from the road side. ! mooned him and his comrades. Rattlesnake Jim was farther down the road doing his chief USAT official thing. Then the crowds. ! heard Dave Towle calling my name. Something about my friends waiting for me at the finish. ! sped up. There was Rick the Clydesdale smiling that clydesdale smile and me out of apples. The fans were screaming. Rick the Clydesdale had a pie. How could this be? Smack! Right in the face. Then the paparazzi wanted shots.
The finisher's medals are actually useful. Shaped like a bottle opener. Every REAL triathlete can get into a beer no matter what, but the right tool just makes it so much easier. Way to go Rick the Clydesdale. On the way to the showers to rinse off the cream, ! was accosted by two small girls who just had to know why ! was such a mess. ! told the story and they just looked at me like it was the most ridiculous thing they had ever heard. Are 6 year olds supposed to have such worldly expressions?
Results are here. http://www.myentryfee.com/results/Results.aspx
Orlinda did her 1st ½. She has three months until IM Florida. She is going to work on her bike. Her swim was about what mine was which makes me wonder why she swims in the slow lane. Don't say it. ! know she can race walk about the pace ! did my run on average. The bike was her weak leg this time. Still she did 7 ½ hours so she can lose 2 hours for fatigue and still make the cutoff and get an Iron Circle shirt just in time for the cold weather. Good luck. Not that she needs it.
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